I’m a geek.
I’ll give you a moment to let that whopper of a revelation sink in.
I’m predisposed to groovin’ on comic book movies. So when I saw the line-up of summer movies this year I said: “Oh Hell yeah!” and immediately began compiling a list of movies I would see this year. First up: Thor.
Now I’ve never been a huge fan of Thor, though I did love his work in Adventures in Babysitting. But I was looking forward to seeing this movie as well as the new Captain America flick because these movies are pieces of this massive puzzle that Marvel is putting together which is all leading up to a massive cinematic event: Battleship, The Movie!
No, that’s not true, but can you believe someone greenlit that idea?
Anyway, Thor came out (the film was released, he didn’t reveal that he was gay) and I had every intention of seeing this movie as soon as possible. But now that it’s here I’m overcome with a “Meh, I’ll catch the matinee” attitude.
My problem is that, after seeing the trailers, I feel I’ve already seen the movie. I’m guessing the movie starts in Asgard, Thor says something blasphemous (like “I really empathize with the mortals on Jersey Shore“), Thor then gets kicked out of Asgard, he meets Natalie Portman and goes through a gauntlet of fish-out-of-water sequences (“Thou has a magic carriage!” “Thou has a magic box that contains moving paintings!” “Thou has Wikipedia!”), Agents of SHIELD conk him on the head and drag them back to their headquarters (which is made up of flimsy, paper tubes for some reason), Loki drops off some death-dealing robot like a mother dropping off her destructive child to a daycare facility, Thor gets his hammer back and hits lots of things with it, the end.
I hope I’m wrong. I hope it’s a great flick that’s able to stand shoulder to shoulder with Spider-Man and Iron Man. But I fear it’s, at best, “OK.”