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Stupid Baby Name Police

Stupid Baby Name Police

by Adam on May 27, 2010 at 12:00 am
Chapter: comics
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Discussion (75) ¬

    • Tweets that mention Bug - Stupid Baby Name Police -- Topsy.com
      May 27, 2010, 6:07 am | #
  1. Blindy
    Blindy
    May 26, 2010, 7:18 pm | # | Reply

    Wish there was one of those guys for WoW character names too..

    • Raquel
      Raquel
      May 26, 2010, 8:57 pm | # | Reply

      couldn't agree with you more. kinda hard to take a raid leader seriously when they have a name like Kittywhiskers.

      • idioticidioms
        idioticidioms
        January 23, 2011, 1:30 pm | # | Reply

        Yeah, but imagine how demoralizing it is for the opposite faction to get pwned by someone named kittywhiskers.

    • LadyNightArrow
      LadyNightArrow
      May 28, 2010, 2:48 am | # | Reply

      I agree as well. There have been a number of times I've wanted to tell people to delete their character and give it a more creative, fantasy name.

      • Vanyag
        Vanyag
        January 2, 2011, 11:16 pm | # | Reply

        Well hey, at least you can do the paid name change 😉

        On the other hand, I can't stand character names where you have a number of odd symbols, becomes annoying to type out 🙁

    • jared the dreamer
      jared the dreamer
      February 8, 2011, 4:37 pm | # | Reply

      the only odd named character i have is ragezombie based off of one of these comics XD

    • That Guy
      That Guy
      March 29, 2011, 9:33 pm | # | Reply

      Hey, I like my trade troll named Pedôbear!

  2. Captain Scratchy
    Captain Scratchy
    May 26, 2010, 8:00 pm | # | Reply

    LIttle Ferngully looks pretty handy with a gun. I guess he'd have to be, with a name like Ferngully.

  3. Haakon
    Haakon
    May 26, 2010, 8:55 pm | # | Reply

    I found this comic today and it became instantly one of my favourite non-story webcomics, at least as good as channelate or amazingsuperpowers.

    If there will be any T-shirts in the future, sign me up. And I'll try to advertise this comic, though I annoyed some of my friends(one) to the point where they just give me that "Go die in a fire, seriously"-look. But I wont stop, not until I end up as bloody pulp dripping from the fists of Skinheads who I tried to convince to "just take a look" at this geniously piece of art.

  4. Todd
    Todd
    May 27, 2010, 1:33 am | # | Reply

    Are these names you've actually heard?

    • Adam
      Adam
      May 27, 2010, 2:34 am | # | Reply

      No, but I'm willing to bet there are people out there with those names – though "Vacuum Cleaner" is probably a stretch.

      • Abbie
        Abbie
        January 29, 2011, 12:36 am | # | Reply

        Don't be too surprised! A baby boy in my country is named 'Cleavage' . Poor boy.

  5. The Dukenator
    The Dukenator
    May 27, 2010, 2:21 am | # | Reply

    Naming your kid, Dumbass is funny. Of course, when he gets in trouble, you can say, "If you weren't such a dumbass, we wouldn't have named you Dumbass."

    Kitty is a real girl's name and I've seen a lot of Hello Kitty Online players use that in their user ids. Hell, I'm a guy and I use Kittynator in HKO.

    Bill Cosby: My brother thought his name was Goddamnit and I was Jesus Christ. So one day, I'm playing out in the rain and my father yells, "Godamnit, get in here." I said to him, "But dad, I'm Jesus Christ."

    A lot of the odd names I heard were from tv & movies over the years.

  6. Bermykid
    Bermykid
    May 27, 2010, 2:57 am | # | Reply

    I've heard of some dumb names, female and male (pronounced fe-mal-eh and mal-eh), also heard of a girl named n-a (n-dash-eh) some really foolish people on this planet in my opinion.

    As for your comic, I found it some time ago and have been reading it every day and I'd definitely have to say that this is one of my favorites and even to go as far to say that I'd rank it up there with Calvin and Hobbes for pure creativity and entertainment!

    • Adam
      Adam
      May 27, 2010, 3:07 am | # | Reply

      Wow! Thanks!

      • Thisfox
        Thisfox
        July 23, 2016, 12:04 am | # | Reply

        Worst weird name I’ve found so far was a young man who was called Hazmat. Although Leaf Greene was a bit hard to believe. I think she’d be one of those kids likely to shoot her parents, yup.

    • matt
      matt
      September 5, 2010, 12:04 pm | # | Reply

      agreed. i love it.

    • Nerd
      Nerd
      January 8, 2011, 7:21 am | # | Reply

      I also heard of someone named La-A

      …. Maybe they were sisters…

      :-/

  7. SteamSaint
    SteamSaint
    May 27, 2010, 3:02 am | # | Reply

    Zagnut! Bwa-Hahahahahaha!!!

  8. Andrechi
    Andrechi
    May 27, 2010, 3:27 am | # | Reply

    Ben Dover

  9. Greg Eales
    Greg Eales
    May 27, 2010, 3:40 am | # | Reply

    STUPID BABY NAME POLICE…fantastic idea! haha 😀

  10. The Dukenator
    The Dukenator
    May 27, 2010, 3:51 am | # | Reply

    Imagine having Dick for a first and last name.

    You'll have fun telling people that you're a Dick, even when you're married.

    Timothy Allen Dick – later changed to Tim Allen.

    He talks about the issues with his name in his book: Don't Stand Too Close To A Naked Man

    Some names are not stupid, but confusing when used by both sexes. These names are known as unisex names. Examples: Chris, Shaun, Stacy and others.

  11. Jep
    Jep
    May 27, 2010, 4:53 am | # | Reply

    I'm honestly getting sick of those names that display a good virtuous meaning, like Hope or Faith or Grace.

    If your name actually is one of those no offense.

    • ashton giertz
      ashton giertz
      July 10, 2016, 5:55 pm | # | Reply

      my name isn’t any of those, and I’m offended that you hate those names.

    • Amy
      Amy
      May 21, 2017, 12:34 pm | # | Reply

      In English at least. They usually sound better in another language

  12. Sharp
    Sharp
    May 27, 2010, 5:48 am | # | Reply

    "The topic is…names that will get your kids ass kicked"

    "Ohh, is Kick-my-ass hungry?"

    • dgriff13
      dgriff13
      May 27, 2010, 8:29 am | # | Reply

      yay, Whose Line? references. ;0)

    • Ric
      Ric
      January 24, 2011, 6:31 pm | # | Reply

      "Come here Colin…. 🙁 "

  13. Tony
    Tony
    May 27, 2010, 5:54 am | # | Reply

    Nice! I actually recently met a boy named Ultraviolet, no joke!

    • norbi
      norbi
      December 16, 2011, 3:53 am | # | Reply

      Hey look it´s Tony Piro!
      Calamities of Nature, Bug and Edmund Finney’s Quest to Find the Meaning of Life are by far my top three favorite webcomics, some kind of crossover (guest comics e.g.) between those would be totally awesome.

  14. WhoShallRemainNamele
    WhoShallRemainNamele
    May 27, 2010, 6:53 am | # | Reply

    I found this comic recently via stumbleupon. I plan on keeping up with it. Awesome strip. :]

  15. dhusk
    dhusk
    May 27, 2010, 12:22 pm | # | Reply

    I once knew a girl named Vrolet, named after where she was conceived.

    …in the back end of her parents' Chevrolet.

    100% true story.

  16. jalie
    jalie
    May 27, 2010, 1:42 pm | # | Reply

    How about the student named Shithead (shi-theed)? Liberty Bell? Crystal Ball?(All really names!)

    One of my collegues had a "Lim-angelo', but it was spelled Limejello.

    • Adam
      Adam
      May 27, 2010, 1:46 pm | # | Reply

      That's what made this strip hard to do. I knew no matter what names I came up with, real life names would be much more bizarre.

  17. Watcher
    Watcher
    May 27, 2010, 5:05 pm | # | Reply

    Someone came in to get dogtags made. He wanted "I love…" and then the names of his kids. They were "Princess, Gungun, and Jelly".

    For one, Princess is a rich woman's little dog's name…

    For two, Gungun is just wierd.

    For three, I'm guessing their next kid will be named "Peanutbutter"…

    • Watcher
      Watcher
      May 27, 2010, 5:06 pm | # | Reply

      I work in Military Surplus, you can put whatever you want on a tag!

  18. Freya
    Freya
    May 29, 2010, 5:44 am | # | Reply

    How are Ms. Chastity, Ms. Immaculate, and Mr. Panty Patel. Seriously.

  19. anna
    anna
    June 2, 2010, 4:53 am | # | Reply

    guys, nobody is named male/female, n-a, shithead, lemonjello or what have you. i've heard them multiple places and it's always "friend of a friend" or some such. nobody actually knows any kids with these names, so stop perpetuating racially charged urban legends already (because everyone knows that's what they are); your comments make a funny comic strip very unfunny.

    • Militant Bibliophile
      Militant Bibliophile
      June 6, 2010, 7:27 am | # | Reply

      Actually, you're wrong. I've heard WORSE, and the source is my mother in law, neo-natal intensive care nurse and the most honest woman I know. How about Twina and Twinba (Twin A, Twin B), Maparidine, Brook Trout, Breeze and similar awful contributions. Pull the stupid racial goggles off your eyes and appreciate the humor for what it is: folks laughing at the idiocy of the human condition. Seriously, lighten up and quit looking at everything as an excuse to be offended!

    • dcon930
      dcon930
      October 20, 2015, 8:45 am | # | Reply

      Do you have a source that they aren’t real names? For example, Shithead (pronounced shu-TEED) was featured in the book Freakonomics. Same with Lemonjello.

  20. Sam
    Sam
    June 6, 2010, 2:20 pm | # | Reply

    I know parents who let their daughter name her newborn sister. She came up with Zelda Rainbowstar and they went with it.

  21. Kathryn
    Kathryn
    June 11, 2010, 6:33 am | # | Reply

    A fellow teacher had students named Abcd (pronounced abesity) and L-a (pronounced ladasha because the dash isn't silent), I have taught Princess, King, Rhein (pronounced rain), Amazing, Virgin, Dre'Nautica, Shamir (but pronounced Shamar) and so many more I have forgotten for the moment. I honestly don't care what you name your child but at least spell it in a way that people will know how to say it. If I were an engineer I would create a machine where you say the name you want and it gives you three or four reasonable spellings to pick from.

  22. snow
    snow
    June 27, 2010, 5:40 pm | # | Reply

    There was somebody in my home town that named their kid Sativa (think Cannabis sativa) and another who named their kid Areya Sunshine Anna Rose Hill.

  23. Little Fish
    Little Fish
    July 5, 2010, 4:44 pm | # | Reply

    Someone at my high school was named "Seukkyu" which is pronounced "Suck you."

    We called him Sam.

    • nerdra
      nerdra
      October 25, 2010, 1:38 pm | # | Reply

      Good call.

  24. Joel
    Joel
    September 1, 2010, 12:44 am | # | Reply

    I went to school with a kid called "Jedi".

    As if that wasn't bad enough, his surname was Starbuck. Poor sod.

    • NumberOnett
      NumberOnett
      November 28, 2015, 11:19 am | # | Reply

      Teacher during role call: Jedi Starbuck.
      Jedi: please dont let anyone see me im not here

  25. Tatz
    Tatz
    September 17, 2010, 4:54 am | # | Reply

    haha, the last panel made me laugh so much! Bug is definitely one of the funniest comics ever! ♥

  26. Shambo
    Shambo
    November 22, 2010, 4:04 am | # | Reply

    http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/

  27. Yara
    Yara
    December 29, 2010, 11:26 am | # | Reply

    "Rhein (pronounced rain)"

    For your information: Rhein is a big german river, so maybe the kid is named after it.

  28. Shark112
    Shark112
    January 23, 2011, 11:21 am | # | Reply

    Would Ezio, Altaira, Mario, Leanardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, and Karen be stupid names for a baby?

    • Harpuia
      Harpuia
      November 6, 2011, 8:13 am | # | Reply

      No. Not ever. Really, the turtles, Ezio, a variant of Altair? Nope, those are awesome. Also, the turtles are named after famous renaissance artists, so that’s a bonus.

  29. Ric
    Ric
    January 24, 2011, 6:34 pm | # | Reply

    worst name ever: Dweezil Zappa (yes he is real for those who don't know). Friggin… I'd die if i was named Dweezil. I also know someone named Kiwi 🙂

    • Ape
      Ape
      July 11, 2011, 1:24 am | # | Reply

      Yeah – Frank Zappa’s kids. Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.

      Why you should write down kids names BEFORE you hit the drugs.

  30. Laura
    Laura
    January 26, 2011, 9:37 am | # | Reply

    I want to be a SBN Policewoman. I have seen Lasagna, Spring Trip, Shithead, Char Lee Cole (yes they named their baby Charcoal), Lemoocher, Lemon, Precious Gift, and countless more where I work

  31. MousE
    MousE
    February 2, 2011, 5:59 am | # | Reply

    I stumbled across your webcomic, and have been reading it for the last hour. Fantastic! I love it, thank you!

  32. Jemma
    Jemma
    February 23, 2011, 1:12 pm | # | Reply

    So I just read that a guy in Egypt has named his newborn daughter "Facebook", and immediately thought of this strip. Good job I'm halfway through my second read of the archives else I might not have remembered it.

    http://failblog.org/2011/02/22/epic-fail-photos-p…

  33. Lindsey H.
    Lindsey H.
    March 1, 2011, 6:31 am | # | Reply

    Where the heck was he when Nicolas Cage decided to name his kid "Kal-El"????

  34. Josh
    Josh
    April 16, 2011, 2:25 pm | # | Reply

    Biblical names are sometimes good, but stay away from Nimrod (No joke, see Genesis 10:8)

  35. Jolty
    Jolty
    April 18, 2011, 8:27 pm | # | Reply

    My friend and I found out that, in one official list of baby names, there is possibly the stupidest name ever conceived.

    Abcde (pronounced ah-beh-ca-duh).

  36. Shade
    Shade
    May 23, 2011, 4:39 am | # | Reply

    i have to say, i find it both sad and hilarious that these people had to put up with stupid parents giving their kids stupid names… but it can’t top some of the ones i heard… was a Cardinal in the church system with a last name of Sin… a urologist by the name of Richard “Dick” Tapper… and many more that i’ve read about.

  37. Harpuia
    Harpuia
    November 6, 2011, 8:10 am | # | Reply

    I’m naming my first child “Metatron”. I will insist on this, and even if I am over-ruled, I will only call them that.

    • Ziz
      Ziz
      February 8, 2012, 12:28 pm | # | Reply

      Wait, what, like the angel with the “cube”? Why…?

  38. Faytl
    Faytl
    November 29, 2011, 4:51 pm | # | Reply

    I actually kind of like the name Ferngully… though the movie could be better.

  39. Frezzala
    Frezzala
    January 8, 2012, 1:16 pm | # | Reply

    Am I the only one that thought beyonces new baby ivy blue (or is it blue ivy, I forget)

  40. Some Random Loser
    Some Random Loser
    January 16, 2012, 12:56 pm | # | Reply

    Special baby names: They seem cool until you actually have to live as guy named “Coyote”.

  41. TB Tabby
    TB Tabby
    February 1, 2012, 12:31 am | # | Reply

    Put out an APB on XKCD!

  42. Jak
    Jak
    July 16, 2013, 9:20 pm | # | Reply

    Dear Stupid Baby Name Police,
    You really dropped the ball when it came to Kanye and Kim.
    Poor kid’s not gunna know which way to turn

  43. Izzie
    Izzie
    August 27, 2013, 6:15 pm | # | Reply

    Realized something… Okay, cops are the first wheel of the law, detectives/FBI agents are the 2nd, love cops are the 3rd…. AND THE SUPID BABY NAME POLICE SHALT BE THE 4th WHEEL!

  44. Izzie
    Izzie
    August 27, 2013, 6:16 pm | # | Reply

    Realized something… Okay, cops are the first wheel of the law, detectives/FBI agents are the 2nd, love cops are the 3rd…. AND THE STUPID BABY NAME POLICE SHALT BE THE 4th WHEEL!

  45. Andy
    Andy
    July 27, 2015, 2:51 pm | # | Reply

    SBNP would have a LOT of work here in Brazil…

  46. Norva
    Norva
    September 19, 2016, 7:11 pm | # | Reply

    Anyone who thinks that giving your child a stupid name will automatically doom them to a life of being a loser, has obviously never heard of Dweezil Zappa.

  47. Charlie
    Charlie
    January 22, 2017, 10:50 pm | # | Reply

    It’s actually a real thing:

    http://loweringthebar.net/2008/07/number-16-bus-s.html

  48. Michelle
    Michelle
    March 13, 2017, 10:27 am | # | Reply

    My favorite stupid name giver is George Lear, the founder of Lear Jets. He named his daughter Shanda, making her Shanda Lear. You can’t make these things up.

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