I think having a theme comes with knowing how to cook. Like if you know how to make raviolis, you’re gonna buy shit to make raviolis. You’re not gonna buy the premade ravioli packs with assorted pink sauce in case you feel like eating raviolis this week.
This is me most of the time, until I go to make a pot of chili. “Sausage, beans, tomato sauce, tomatoes… makin’ chili are ya? *insert joke about coming over to eat*”. Generally met with my “No shit, Sherlock” stare.
“Chil-eee? What is this thing of which you speak? This is for my Halloween costume. I need to get it at this time of year to make sure it’s good and properly aged in October.”
Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? I’ve got perfectly good reasons for buying a shovel, machete, ax, blowtorch, garbage bags, quicklime, cement, and a hacksaw.
And I genuinely DO. I’m a homeowner, with a garden, and the brickwork on my front stairs has fallen apart in the past nasty winter, and I’m repairing a pipe that, again, has been kind of leaking after the nasty winter. I mean, I only actually bought about half of that stuff at my last Home Depot trip, because I already own the rest of it. But if I pulled out the things which I’ve used recently, it might look a little suspicious.
It would be worse if I hunted, or bought sides of beef from one of my friends who raises organic cattle. I have friends who have meathooks, cleavers, and those things that are kind of like buzzsaws, but they’re designed for meat.
If you think about it, all of the “traditional serial killer tools” are things with perfectly innocent and reasonable uses, which is why you can buy them in normal hardware stores.
… I’m not sure about the tomahawk I bought, though. I haven’t figured out what exactly it’s designed for. The packaging says that it’s designed for “construction, camping/hiking/hunting, and military”, which perhaps suggests that THIS particular Home Depot purchase might be a bit suspicious.
Obviously, she was an elementary school science teacher who was going to be teaching a lesson about the properties of gases, using the carbonation from the beer, smoke from the cigarettes, and using the condoms as balloons to fill with hydrogen and explode.
Or Alton Brown asked you to do his shopping for the next episode of Cut Throat Kitchen on Food Network. Just saying. (and yes ive seen a boat anchor, oreos, and pretty sure I saw a toilet brush used on that show)
No lad, ye be the mascot for the new Captain Crunch high fiber cereal.
My trolley is the same every week. A complete recipe on how to make a burrito.
ooh, I could live in your kitchen!
I think having a theme comes with knowing how to cook. Like if you know how to make raviolis, you’re gonna buy shit to make raviolis. You’re not gonna buy the premade ravioli packs with assorted pink sauce in case you feel like eating raviolis this week.
My theme is to buy candy, candy, candy, and more candy… and some toilet bowl freshners.
Just don’t get the two mixed up.
This is me most of the time, until I go to make a pot of chili. “Sausage, beans, tomato sauce, tomatoes… makin’ chili are ya? *insert joke about coming over to eat*”. Generally met with my “No shit, Sherlock” stare.
Hamburger, tomato, peppers, etc.
“Making chili, eh?”
“No. I was making tacos with the rest of my stuff at home… but, now chili sounds good…”
Give a completely off the wall answer. “No, I’m making chicken soup, why?”
“Chil-eee? What is this thing of which you speak? This is for my Halloween costume. I need to get it at this time of year to make sure it’s good and properly aged in October.”
Bucktooth bug in panel two…hee hee hee!
reminds me of “the walmart game” – You can only buy three items. What do you buy to freak the cashier out the most?
That game is too easy: Wheelbarrow, Shovel, Black Garbage bags.
So, I am moving some plants in my garden?
Yeah, that’s the problem, isn’t it? I’ve got perfectly good reasons for buying a shovel, machete, ax, blowtorch, garbage bags, quicklime, cement, and a hacksaw.
And I genuinely DO. I’m a homeowner, with a garden, and the brickwork on my front stairs has fallen apart in the past nasty winter, and I’m repairing a pipe that, again, has been kind of leaking after the nasty winter. I mean, I only actually bought about half of that stuff at my last Home Depot trip, because I already own the rest of it. But if I pulled out the things which I’ve used recently, it might look a little suspicious.
It would be worse if I hunted, or bought sides of beef from one of my friends who raises organic cattle. I have friends who have meathooks, cleavers, and those things that are kind of like buzzsaws, but they’re designed for meat.
If you think about it, all of the “traditional serial killer tools” are things with perfectly innocent and reasonable uses, which is why you can buy them in normal hardware stores.
… I’m not sure about the tomahawk I bought, though. I haven’t figured out what exactly it’s designed for. The packaging says that it’s designed for “construction, camping/hiking/hunting, and military”, which perhaps suggests that THIS particular Home Depot purchase might be a bit suspicious.
Gun, Bag of candy, children’s toy
Gun, bag of candy, condoms.
Condoms. Duct tape.
having trouble making them stay on, are you? :p
A large cucumber, Vaseline, and a giant bag of cheapo candy.
ed byrne’s version – booze, more booze and nappies
then not have enough money at the till and
put the nappies back!
Like this woman I once followed thru the checkout: 2 twelve packs of beer, 2 packs of smokes, 2 boxes of condoms.
Hmmm. What was she planning?
Obviously, she was an elementary school science teacher who was going to be teaching a lesson about the properties of gases, using the carbonation from the beer, smoke from the cigarettes, and using the condoms as balloons to fill with hydrogen and explode.
Didn’t XKCD solve this one? Pregnancy test and a single wire hanger.
Panel 1 Bug’s expression…and then the sour vs fresh grapes. Heeheehee
This is officially my new favorite strip. Also, toothpicks, book on Nazis, 15 pound bag of Sour Patch Kids.
Psh. Go classic, Pregnancy tester and a pack of coat hangers.
Or if you want to see if they know their chemistry, chlorine, fuel octane booster and ball bearings at bunnings.
Your comics are my life. This is the best.
Awesome! Thanks!
I hadn’t heard of ty-d-bol before. I have heard of d-bol though, which is a type of Performance Enhancing Drug steroid.
And then, you’ve got d-bags – which are the people who use said steroids.
Or Alton Brown asked you to do his shopping for the next episode of Cut Throat Kitchen on Food Network. Just saying. (and yes ive seen a boat anchor, oreos, and pretty sure I saw a toilet brush used on that show)
Poop deck.