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One Hitler at a Time

One Hitler at a Time

by Adam on February 20, 2014 at 12:00 am
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Discussion (45) ¬

  1. BugFanNo1Million
    BugFanNo1Million
    February 20, 2014, 12:03 am | # | Reply

    That first panel is absurdly comical!

  2. Rhea
    Rhea
    February 20, 2014, 12:23 am | # | Reply

    I think Doctor Who summed it up when River Song said, “You’ve got a time machine, I’ve got a gun… What the hell! Let’s kill Hitler!”

  3. Ultimate Yes America 6-5000: The Movie
    Ultimate Yes America 6-5000: The Movie
    February 20, 2014, 1:04 am | # | Reply

    If I had a time machine, I would get my Beatles records signed, then come back to this time and sell them for top dollar. Because I am a douche.

    • Lestes
      Lestes
      February 20, 2014, 2:25 am | # | Reply

      I’d buy a cubic metre of aluminium, and then go back in time to sell it a couple of hundred years ago when aluminium was worth it’s weight in gold.

      • VaguelyCreepy
        VaguelyCreepy
        February 20, 2014, 3:41 am | # | Reply

        Yeah, but when you sold it, you’d get paid in back-then money at back-then rates. In order to make a profit without having to stay in sucky back-then times, you’d have to buy bonds or something and then seal them away where no one else could find them, then cash them in in the present.

        Of course, I’m sure I’m overlooking a much simpler solution.

        • adinfinitumspero
          adinfinitumspero
          February 20, 2014, 4:20 am | # | Reply

          sell it, then buy gold.

      • Majdan
        Majdan
        February 20, 2014, 7:58 am | # | Reply

        Or just TRADE it for gold…

    • Tom
      Tom
      February 21, 2014, 8:44 am | # | Reply

      Why not go back in time and buy a lottery ticket?…

  4. TaishiEa
    TaishiEa
    February 20, 2014, 1:20 am | # | Reply

    why not help him graduate art school.

    • VaguelyCreepy
      VaguelyCreepy
      February 20, 2014, 3:48 am | # | Reply

      Might be worth a shot. Even if it didn’t work, we’d at least have a chance at their symbol being something more aesthetically pleasing in our history books than that boring swastika.

      Maybe a nice Bob Ross-esque landscape…

      • Jeremy T
        Jeremy T
        February 20, 2014, 9:25 am | # | Reply

        ANGRY MURDEROUS CLOUDS. MANIACAL LOOMING MIGHTY TREES.

    • Kilby
      Kilby
      February 20, 2014, 5:34 am | # | Reply

      After that, you should also go back and help Fidel succeed on his tryout with the Washington Senators.

      • *Insert Name Here*
        *Insert Name Here*
        July 21, 2016, 1:56 am | # | Reply

        Or help Stalin get admitted to the clergy.

  5. Jenny
    Jenny
    February 20, 2014, 3:14 am | # | Reply

    The second panel pretty much sums it up.

    If Hitler had a gravestone, it would probably have been the most pissed-on in history. As it is, the guy had his grave desecrated a probably record amount of times, having been re-buried 8 times, and his remains finally exhumed, crushed and burned by the KGB. I take it every time he was disinterred, there must have been at least one or two people interested in spitting on his corpse…

  6. VaguelyCreepy
    VaguelyCreepy
    February 20, 2014, 3:44 am | # | Reply

    I love the way Bug is somehow holding an Uzi casually and hatefully at the same time. It tickles my funny bone just right.

  7. RAAAH
    RAAAH
    February 20, 2014, 5:46 am | # | Reply

    It’s funny that no one wants to kill ghengis khan

    • Thorbjørn
      Thorbjørn
      February 20, 2014, 6:17 am | # | Reply

      That’s because Ghengis sired so many offspring (okay, he just raped a lot of women) that he might be your ancestor.

      Who wants to go back in time and kill their whole family tree?

      • AckAckAck
        AckAckAck
        February 21, 2014, 5:07 am | # | Reply

        Also the Mongol is kind of a reminder toward European kingdoms and the Turks that they are not the center of the world and stop being arrogant jackholes. If Mongol meant it, they can crush the entire European kingdoms and Middle East in one single sweep.

    • Adam
      Adam
      February 20, 2014, 7:43 am | # | Reply

      Ha! Good point.

  8. Lancinator
    Lancinator
    February 20, 2014, 6:00 am | # | Reply

    Here’s the ultimate problem with killing Hitler

    http://www.tor.com/stories/2011/08/wikihistory

    “Take it easy on the kid… everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did.”

    I love this short story.

    L

    • Odo Shortwick
      Odo Shortwick
      February 20, 2014, 9:23 am | # | Reply

      Ha! That’s amusing. Especially at the end where the one person went back and accidentally killed his own relative.

      I read another time traveling story where Hitler was killed off pre-WW2. In the story a scientist/doctor, who would have been enslaved by the German forces, was working on a vaccine for polio and ended up making a super-bug instead. 60% of the world was wiped out and majority of the technological advancements never occurred.

    • LanceThruster
      LanceThruster
      February 21, 2014, 1:37 pm | # | Reply

      This is such a great staple for any thread dealing with Der Führer and time travel. Thanks for digging it up.

      • RIK
        RIK
        March 5, 2014, 5:06 am | # | Reply

        Technically, it’s DEM Führer.

        This is DER Führer.
        We are shooting DEN Führer.
        We have dealt with DEM Führer.
        Look at the blood DES Führers.

        This concludes today’s lesson on grammatically correct assassinations.

        • LanceThruster
          LanceThruster
          June 3, 2014, 11:43 am | # | Reply

          TYVM!

          xD

  9. Lancinator
    Lancinator
    February 20, 2014, 6:23 am | # | Reply

    I never thought that story could be bettered – I just ran across this Scalzi short and just about laughed myself into a coronary.

    http://subterraneanpress.com/magazine/winter_2007/fiction_missives_from_possible_futures_1_alternate_history_search_results_b

    L

    • AckAckAck
      AckAckAck
      February 21, 2014, 5:13 am | # | Reply

      You make me almost pee my pants laughing!

  10. DaveDell
    DaveDell
    February 20, 2014, 8:42 am | # | Reply

    Ah, the endless debate. If Hitler had success as an artist would the 3rd Reich have come into existence? Or would some other man (sorry ladies – the times being what they were…) have taken much the same role in History?

  11. DaveDell
    DaveDell
    February 20, 2014, 8:45 am | # | Reply

    Oh, there’s still Nazi’s around. Grammar Nazi’s…
    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/grammar-nazi/photos

    • Skeleton
      Skeleton
      February 20, 2014, 9:33 am | # | Reply

      I used to be one of those.

  12. wingspin
    wingspin
    February 20, 2014, 9:06 am | # | Reply

    Adam, you missed a real opportunity for a “Calvin and Hobbes-esque” Bug peeing on Hitler’s tomb in the second frame. I can appreciate that you are original… but I’d love a Bug window sticker anyway… I’d feel so superior to all those other comic-lovers on the road.

    • BugFanNo1Million
      BugFanNo1Million
      February 20, 2014, 2:53 pm | # | Reply

      The stickers of Calvin urinating were never created or approved by Bill Watterson.

      • AckAckAck
        AckAckAck
        February 21, 2014, 6:46 am | # | Reply

        Also a proof that Bill was right. He never give right to merchandise C&H because he knew it will be ruined as soon as opportunist assholes get its paw on it.

  13. YouDolt
    YouDolt
    February 20, 2014, 9:24 am | # | Reply

    The trees aren’t happy enough, Hitler. THEY AREN’T F—ING HAPPY ENOUGH!

  14. Jim
    Jim
    February 20, 2014, 10:07 am | # | Reply

    Hitler *singing*: How could zis happen to me?

  15. Null
    Null
    February 20, 2014, 11:35 am | # | Reply

    Ok I’ve got to admit, I’ve thought of the McDonalds thing too.

    • Adam
      Adam
      February 20, 2014, 12:21 pm | # | Reply

      I know, right? I bet they tasted amazing and real.

  16. Mike
    Mike
    February 20, 2014, 12:50 pm | # | Reply

    Interesting the choice of an Israeli weapon in the last panel, don’t know if that was intention, but well played sir!

    • Adam
      Adam
      February 20, 2014, 6:43 pm | # | Reply

      I just like drawing Uzis.

  17. Jeff Clough
    Jeff Clough
    February 21, 2014, 9:50 am | # | Reply

    IN NO WAY A DEFENSE OF HITLER….but there have been a LOT of jackholes in history who’ve killed off tons of their people.
    Idi Amin
    Pol Pot
    Stalin
    Mao…
    But yeah…time machine = go kill Hitler. Can’t believe Marty McFly didn’t take care of that first!

    • Blubber
      Blubber
      February 21, 2014, 11:48 pm | # | Reply

      He did in back to the future I in the original script. But they had to change the story because when there is someone who goes back in time and kills Hitler the writers can’t write anithing else than that something eaven worst happend… But really, STOP going back to kill Hitler, Father Time is probably really pissed already. Don’t meke him stick us in one of the altenatives!

  18. ADHadh
    ADHadh
    February 21, 2014, 1:04 pm | # | Reply

    Hitler’s art wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t outstanding either.
    Barely something you’d buy off of an artist in an European city street.
    Nothing to riddle people with holes about.

  19. LanceThruster
    LanceThruster
    February 21, 2014, 1:41 pm | # | Reply

    And yet “Blitler” is a lovable if eccentric character.

    http://www.tangulls.com/myrtle-manor-on-the-soap-tv-show-video-jessica-taylor-and-marvin-aka-blitler/

    Go figure.

  20. Mental Mouse
    Mental Mouse
    February 25, 2014, 7:42 am | # | Reply

    And the more basic problem with killing Hitler — It not only wouldn’t stop WWII, it might let someone more competent run Germany:

    http://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/feb/21/time-travellers-kill-adolf-hitler

  21. GuesssWho
    GuesssWho
    October 5, 2014, 6:36 am | # | Reply

    Really, just paint something that isn’t bucolic German farm scenes for once.

  22. TB Tabby
    TB Tabby
    March 19, 2020, 6:27 pm | # | Reply

    Terry Pratchett advised against it in Lords and Ladies:

    “Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot one, and there’ll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? In fifty years’, thirty years’, ten years’ time the world will be very nearly back on its old course. History always has a great weight of inertia.”

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