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Candy is Dandy, But Liquor is Quicker

Candy is Dandy, But Liquor is Quicker

by Adam on June 20, 2014 at 12:29 am
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Discussion (21) ¬

  1. KJ
    KJ
    June 20, 2014, 12:36 am | # | Reply

    Oh Adam you mad genius, this comic really… *sunglasses* cracked me up!

    • Leshka
      Leshka
      June 20, 2014, 9:32 pm | # | Reply

      YEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!!

      OK, I had to – no one else was.
      I might have actually enjoyed the original movie if it were more like this. Call me crazy, but Johnny Depp would have had this place.

  2. MaxOfFewTrades
    MaxOfFewTrades
    June 20, 2014, 1:50 am | # | Reply

    Are you implying that Willy Wonka’s Factory wasn’t a whimsical crack house? If you can find another explanation for the downright insane things that took place there I am all ears.

    Kids died in that place man!

    • Kathy
      Kathy
      June 20, 2014, 8:04 am | # | Reply

      No-one died; in the book and remake they appear at the end alive, albeit changed.

  3. micha
    micha
    June 20, 2014, 4:43 am | # | Reply

    Mmmm…. Slurm…

  4. Moe
    Moe
    June 20, 2014, 6:53 am | # | Reply

    I don’t think there would be that many changes. Part of the factory tour already looks like an acid trip.

  5. Cody Hayden
    Cody Hayden
    June 20, 2014, 7:11 am | # | Reply

    “Not a speck of light is showing
    So the danger must be growing
    Are the fires of Hell a-glowing
    Is the grisly reaper mowing
    Yes, the danger must be growing
    For the rowers keep on rowing
    And they’re certainly not showing
    Any signs that they are slowing”

    Literally the most frightening song of my childhood. Hands down!

    • Adam
      Adam
      June 20, 2014, 9:33 am | # | Reply

      That freaked me out as a kid too, but it was also my favorite part of the movie. I just love that build-up.

  6. euphgeek
    euphgeek
    June 20, 2014, 9:30 am | # | Reply

    Take a drink; And you’ll sink
    To a state of pure inebriation
    You’ll be tanked; Like the whole Irish nation!
    When you drink enough of my beer; You will find this magic rule
    Make your every joke a jewel; You’ll drive drunker than Oksana Baiul!
    Go on buds, drink my suds; Till you’ve reached that pure inebriation
    Though the beer may be free, you’re just renting it from me

    • Adam
      Adam
      June 20, 2014, 9:35 am | # | Reply

      I was all set to title this one “Pure Inebriation” until I realized that was from Family Guy. Damn you, Seth!

  7. Michael Corley
    Michael Corley
    June 20, 2014, 9:36 am | # | Reply

    Oompa Loompa looompadee doo, I’ve got another crack pipe for you!

  8. Bjer
    Bjer
    June 20, 2014, 9:56 am | # | Reply

    Thanks for the nod to Ogden Nash! Not really a poet, but what a master of doggerel!

  9. Rai
    Rai
    June 20, 2014, 10:33 am | # | Reply

    Sounds like a rave I went to once…

  10. LanceThruster
    LanceThruster
    June 20, 2014, 10:38 am | # | Reply

    Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.

    • AlixeTiir
      AlixeTiir
      June 20, 2014, 12:59 pm | # | Reply

      ha.

  11. Shannon Love
    Shannon Love
    June 20, 2014, 1:21 pm | # | Reply

    You had me at “nap”.

    Seriously, why do kids need a magical fantasy land? They live in one anyway. Throw’m in the backyard with a stick and five minutes later Smaug is dead.

    It’s adults that need the break from reality. I’d pay loads to have 30 minutes where I not responsible for anyone or anything. Now that’s fantasy.

    • Rat
      Rat
      June 21, 2014, 5:16 am | # | Reply

      Amen.

  12. AckAckAck
    AckAckAck
    June 20, 2014, 5:26 pm | # | Reply

    I think this is a great idea for a movie. Imagine it starts as a Willy Wonka-Esque story but as the story goes by it the world got worse and worse and then you realize that the story is actually someone’s POV who was high like kite and the drug effect start to wore off.

    • Wyrdone
      Wyrdone
      June 23, 2014, 7:08 am | # | Reply

      Is your name Hunter S Thompson?

  13. VaguelyCreepy
    VaguelyCreepy
    June 20, 2014, 5:28 pm | # | Reply

    “I never thought that I would smoke
    More weed than I could hope to toke,
    But nevertheless, it’s really true,
    Buddy this ain’t no joke!
    ‘Cause I’ve got a golden Zippo!
    I’ve got a golden flame to light my bong!
    And with my golden zippo I sing a alllll daaaaay lonnnnng!”

    • VaguelyCreepy
      VaguelyCreepy
      June 20, 2014, 5:30 pm | # | Reply

      Crap. That last line is supposed to be “I light up all day long.”

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