I recently went back to eating meat after a little over 10 months of being a Vegetarian. This really hits home for me in a brilliant way, particularly the wishing a Quarter Pounder into existence. I used to actually have dreams of me gorging on Big Macs and Quarter Pounders when I was Vegetarian. Adam, there may be some truth to this comic…
“And in other news, farmer William Moustachebug, age 60, was awoken last night by the strangled mooing of his livestock. Upon investigating, he discovered several of his prize cows dead, surrounded by terrified animals. Autopsies have revealed no discernible cause of death, however, they have revealed gaps in their muscle tissue roughly the size of a Quarter Pounder patty. These carcasses have been brought to a specialized government facility to determine whether or not their deaths are able to be replicated for scientific purposes.
Also, is the recent shipwreck off the coast of Veggiebug Island the work of a radical Vegetable Rights group? More at seven.”
you just described alien cattle mutilations
AHH! AHH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! KILLER CLOWNS,RONALD McDONALD , ALIENS THAT WANT US TO EAT COW BUTTS!
thats it! im only eating bacon burgers from now on.
I was raised on a farm. I brought a girl home and when the cows wandered by, she asked if they had names. I said “that one’s ‘lunch’ and that one’s ‘dinner’…”
My cousin bought himself a little hobby farm last year and got two pigs, one named bacon and the other sausage. In february he went to slaughter sausage but he was being a pussy about it, missing the target spot and putting the pig in some serious pain, screaming and squealing. His dad, a vietnam vet, grabbed the gun from him and did it himself. Then he told him to get a saw and cut down the middle, but my sister’s boyfriend was already at it with his knife, ruining a lot of the meat. They were able to salvage some parts, but most of it went to making sausage. My cousin said when it was Bacon’s turn to go he’d just hire a professional service to do it for him. He’s a city boy playing at farm hand and aside from the misery and suffering of sausage, I thought the situation was hilarious.
22 Years a vegetarian, no interest in changing that, but eh, it’s not in my rights to try and change peoples diet habits. Eat all the meat you want, just don’t try to make me change and we are good to go.
Well, depends but yes kinda. Some fruits like a mango or banana or avocado will ripen if you just let them sit on the counter until the sugars ferment, although it won’t last long. Another example: Have you ever eaten carrots from a garden right after washing it? You *could* just put it back in the ground and it keeps growing.
I can relate to this. The only exception is if the “lush garden” is of fruits, I can tolerate fruits for a reasonable period of time before going stark raving mad to the point of weaving matter into a perfectly cooked steak that bridges the island straight to ‘Murica where I can obtain my plethora of meats as desired.
If you are trapped on a lush vegetable garden and wish for meat, just put up a bird feeder and declare that it is squirrel-proof. Within minutes, squirrels will be teleporting from hundreds of miles away to eat from the bird feeder.
Hey, I somehow got the impression that you’re in Madison. If you are, you should come to the comedy club, sometime. Madison has a vibrant comedy scene (that, as I’m typing this, I’m suddenly sure you’re aware of) and your comics are pretty stand-up friendly.
In fact forget the invite, I’m just going to steal your material. I’m kidding. I would do that, but only by accident, I swear.
Not just a lush vegetable garden. You are not alone!
I recently went back to eating meat after a little over 10 months of being a Vegetarian. This really hits home for me in a brilliant way, particularly the wishing a Quarter Pounder into existence. I used to actually have dreams of me gorging on Big Macs and Quarter Pounders when I was Vegetarian. Adam, there may be some truth to this comic…
“My girlfriend is a vegetarian, so that pretty much makes me one, too.”
“Mmm-MMM! THAT IS a tasty burger!”
if she is a vegetarian she is not your friend.
Friends dont left friends eat kale.
Hey, I’ve been a vegetarian since 1972 and I don’t eat kale. That stuff tastes terrible.
Steamed kale with a splash of white vinegar. You’ll never eat kale chips again.
“And in other news, farmer William Moustachebug, age 60, was awoken last night by the strangled mooing of his livestock. Upon investigating, he discovered several of his prize cows dead, surrounded by terrified animals. Autopsies have revealed no discernible cause of death, however, they have revealed gaps in their muscle tissue roughly the size of a Quarter Pounder patty. These carcasses have been brought to a specialized government facility to determine whether or not their deaths are able to be replicated for scientific purposes.
Also, is the recent shipwreck off the coast of Veggiebug Island the work of a radical Vegetable Rights group? More at seven.”
you just described alien cattle mutilations
AHH! AHH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! KILLER CLOWNS,RONALD McDONALD , ALIENS THAT WANT US TO EAT COW BUTTS!
thats it! im only eating bacon burgers from now on.
I was raised on a farm. I brought a girl home and when the cows wandered by, she asked if they had names. I said “that one’s ‘lunch’ and that one’s ‘dinner’…”
All of a sudden I was single again.
We named our sheep ‘lambchop’ and ‘brisket’.
My cousin bought himself a little hobby farm last year and got two pigs, one named bacon and the other sausage. In february he went to slaughter sausage but he was being a pussy about it, missing the target spot and putting the pig in some serious pain, screaming and squealing. His dad, a vietnam vet, grabbed the gun from him and did it himself. Then he told him to get a saw and cut down the middle, but my sister’s boyfriend was already at it with his knife, ruining a lot of the meat. They were able to salvage some parts, but most of it went to making sausage. My cousin said when it was Bacon’s turn to go he’d just hire a professional service to do it for him. He’s a city boy playing at farm hand and aside from the misery and suffering of sausage, I thought the situation was hilarious.
22 Years a vegetarian, no interest in changing that, but eh, it’s not in my rights to try and change peoples diet habits. Eat all the meat you want, just don’t try to make me change and we are good to go.
You know vegetables are still alive AS YOU’RE EATING THEM?!
You savage!
CAN YOU HEAR THE SCREAMS OF THE CARROTS!
No but when my potatoes start to scream in the skillet I know they’re done!
Well, depends but yes kinda. Some fruits like a mango or banana or avocado will ripen if you just let them sit on the counter until the sugars ferment, although it won’t last long. Another example: Have you ever eaten carrots from a garden right after washing it? You *could* just put it back in the ground and it keeps growing.
Ooohh… I have done this.
Also, with those stick onion things – whatever they’re called.
I’M a savage!
Alternatively, eat her.
Phrasing BOOM!
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants” – A. Whitney Brown
If God didn’t want us to eat animals, He wouldn’t have made them delicious!
Death Moos = newest punk band.
I can relate to this. The only exception is if the “lush garden” is of fruits, I can tolerate fruits for a reasonable period of time before going stark raving mad to the point of weaving matter into a perfectly cooked steak that bridges the island straight to ‘Murica where I can obtain my plethora of meats as desired.
Worst case scenario, steak doesn’t float.
If you are trapped on a lush vegetable garden and wish for meat, just put up a bird feeder and declare that it is squirrel-proof. Within minutes, squirrels will be teleporting from hundreds of miles away to eat from the bird feeder.
Ha ha! “Death moos” killed me!
Has the cows stopped mooing?
I couldn’t help but to notice the silence of the lambs, though.
I have no problems with people being vegetarians…..I hear that meat eating creatures don’t taste very nice.
Hey, I somehow got the impression that you’re in Madison. If you are, you should come to the comedy club, sometime. Madison has a vibrant comedy scene (that, as I’m typing this, I’m suddenly sure you’re aware of) and your comics are pretty stand-up friendly.
In fact forget the invite, I’m just going to steal your material. I’m kidding. I would do that, but only by accident, I swear.
I’ve been a vegetarian since I was five, but to be honest the phrase ‘death moos’ is probably the funniest thing I’ve heard this week.
I’m gonna state the simple solution here: just go fishing. Use the vegetables as bait.
Death moos.
<3