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What’s the Holdup?

What’s the Holdup?

by Adam on July 11, 2014 at 12:00 am
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Discussion (20) ¬

  1. TaishiEA
    TaishiEA
    July 11, 2014, 12:02 am | # | Reply

    well at least you don’t have to deal with the cops if things go bad.

  2. Barlakopofai
    Barlakopofai
    July 11, 2014, 12:18 am | # | Reply

    You need to at least be able to clean a gun if you want to be the heist handyman ._.

    • Malkin
      Malkin
      July 11, 2014, 12:26 am | # | Reply

      Easy enough. Lemme just throw that sucker in the dishwasher!

      • Kaian
        Kaian
        July 12, 2014, 5:59 am | # | Reply

        And this is why you can’t be on the heist.
        You use the washing machine.
        Pistols on the delicates cycle,
        Rifles on the permanent press.

  3. wabbitking
    wabbitking
    July 11, 2014, 1:26 am | # | Reply

    nobody would shoplift with mindflayers on the job

  4. AckAckAck
    AckAckAck
    July 11, 2014, 1:42 am | # | Reply

    What are you talking about? Sandwich maker is a very important part of heist team. Planning a heist is not easy and it give a serious case of the munchies. I want egg salad sandwiches ready 24/7!

  5. Dragon352
    Dragon352
    July 11, 2014, 1:59 am | # | Reply

    BRILLIANT!

  6. Dragon352
    Dragon352
    July 11, 2014, 2:00 am | # | Reply

    no, serously Adam. that is a great point

  7. Tony McGurk
    Tony McGurk
    July 11, 2014, 2:54 am | # | Reply

    I like the idea of having a Heist Sandwich Maker. Hungry heisters are inattentive heisters & attention paying is important in a heist

  8. Shannon Love
    Shannon Love
    July 11, 2014, 8:25 am | # | Reply

    Sounds like you could be the logistics guy. It’s saying in the military that, “amateurs study strategy and professionals study logistics.”

    Just like the military a good heist needs a lot material support. Sandwiches being particularly important as “an army marches on its stomach.”

    The most important part of any big theft isn’t the actual stealing part but the fencing of the stolen goods or the laundering of stolen money. A diamond the size of your fist is worthless until you find someone to sell it to. Fences and accountants are more important to the mob than hit men.

    BTW, for the stats for rent-a-cops, just used unarmed or kobolds or gelatinous blobs, depending on doughnut availability in the local ecosystem.

    • Adam
      Adam
      July 11, 2014, 9:41 am | # | Reply

      Ha-ha! I was this close to writing “gelatinous cube.”

  9. Mahnarch
    Mahnarch
    July 11, 2014, 10:04 am | # | Reply

    I always get that backwards.
    I end up putting my previous heists on my resumes.

    The only call-back I ever got was an offer to lead the IRS…

  10. davpa
    davpa
    July 11, 2014, 10:41 am | # | Reply

    You never know when you will run into a Mind Flayer, so best to be prepared. The are a lot like the Spanish Inquisition…*waits for music and three men to burst through the door*

    • SRSteue
      SRSteue
      July 11, 2014, 3:57 pm | # | Reply

      *bursts through the door with two other people wearing gaudy red clothing and large fancy hats* Nooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  11. Teige
    Teige
    July 11, 2014, 1:45 pm | # | Reply

    Whoa major props for the Drizzt Do’Urden Forgotten Realms reference.

  12. Michael Corley
    Michael Corley
    July 11, 2014, 4:16 pm | # | Reply

    I’m perfect. I’m the guy who taps his watch and looks stern!

  13. qka
    qka
    July 11, 2014, 6:41 pm | # | Reply

    Never underestimate testing of plans. That’s how how you separate good plans from bad ones.

  14. Mr BreaksIt
    Mr BreaksIt
    July 11, 2014, 9:00 pm | # | Reply

    Rent-a-Cops have 1d10 hit dice and wield blunt weapons, but have no proficiency in them.
    Usually Large Size, True Neutral and speak Common, but without fluency (represented by a – to all diplomacy rolls directed towards them.)

    That’s all I can remember off the top of my head. You can look up the rest in the “Henchmen and Dullards” sourcebook.

  15. Brad
    Brad
    July 13, 2014, 9:23 am | # | Reply

    Being a security officer, I can say with confidence that most unarmed security would just use the same stats as a level 1 town guard, but with less motivation.

  16. Jeff Clough
    Jeff Clough
    July 15, 2014, 7:05 am | # | Reply

    Lemme tell ya, the guy who holds the blueprints down is SUPER important! It’s really annoying when that happens. Sure, sure a brick works just as good, but a brick can’t ALSO make sammiches. See, you combine the two most important helpers on a heist planning committee that way.
    Now, the type of sandwich is also very important…also the accompanying beverage.
    #1 Fried Egg sandwich & a quart of chocolate milk
    #2 Peanut Butter & Pickle sandwich with a quart of regular milk
    #3…is anyone taking this down?

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