That first panel is absurdly comical!
I think Doctor Who summed it up when River Song said, “You’ve got a time machine, I’ve got a gun… What the hell! Let’s kill Hitler!”
If I had a time machine, I would get my Beatles records signed, then come back to this time and sell them for top dollar. Because I am a douche.
I’d buy a cubic metre of aluminium, and then go back in time to sell it a couple of hundred years ago when aluminium was worth it’s weight in gold.
Yeah, but when you sold it, you’d get paid in back-then money at back-then rates. In order to make a profit without having to stay in sucky back-then times, you’d have to buy bonds or something and then seal them away where no one else could find them, then cash them in in the present.
Of course, I’m sure I’m overlooking a much simpler solution.
sell it, then buy gold.
Or just TRADE it for gold…
Why not go back in time and buy a lottery ticket?…
why not help him graduate art school.
Might be worth a shot. Even if it didn’t work, we’d at least have a chance at their symbol being something more aesthetically pleasing in our history books than that boring swastika.
Maybe a nice Bob Ross-esque landscape…
ANGRY MURDEROUS CLOUDS. MANIACAL LOOMING MIGHTY TREES.
After that, you should also go back and help Fidel succeed on his tryout with the Washington Senators.
Or help Stalin get admitted to the clergy.
The second panel pretty much sums it up.
If Hitler had a gravestone, it would probably have been the most pissed-on in history. As it is, the guy had his grave desecrated a probably record amount of times, having been re-buried 8 times, and his remains finally exhumed, crushed and burned by the KGB. I take it every time he was disinterred, there must have been at least one or two people interested in spitting on his corpse…
I love the way Bug is somehow holding an Uzi casually and hatefully at the same time. It tickles my funny bone just right.
It’s funny that no one wants to kill ghengis khan
That’s because Ghengis sired so many offspring (okay, he just raped a lot of women) that he might be your ancestor.
Who wants to go back in time and kill their whole family tree?
Also the Mongol is kind of a reminder toward European kingdoms and the Turks that they are not the center of the world and stop being arrogant jackholes. If Mongol meant it, they can crush the entire European kingdoms and Middle East in one single sweep.
Ha! Good point.
Here’s the ultimate problem with killing Hitler
“Take it easy on the kid… everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did.”
I love this short story.
Ha! That’s amusing. Especially at the end where the one person went back and accidentally killed his own relative.
I read another time traveling story where Hitler was killed off pre-WW2. In the story a scientist/doctor, who would have been enslaved by the German forces, was working on a vaccine for polio and ended up making a super-bug instead. 60% of the world was wiped out and majority of the technological advancements never occurred.
This is such a great staple for any thread dealing with Der Führer and time travel. Thanks for digging it up.
Technically, it’s DEM Führer.
This is DER Führer.
We are shooting DEN Führer.
We have dealt with DEM Führer.
Look at the blood DES Führers.
This concludes today’s lesson on grammatically correct assassinations.
I never thought that story could be bettered – I just ran across this Scalzi short and just about laughed myself into a coronary.
You make me almost pee my pants laughing!
Ah, the endless debate. If Hitler had success as an artist would the 3rd Reich have come into existence? Or would some other man (sorry ladies – the times being what they were…) have taken much the same role in History?
Oh, there’s still Nazi’s around. Grammar Nazi’s…
I used to be one of those.
Adam, you missed a real opportunity for a “Calvin and Hobbes-esque” Bug peeing on Hitler’s tomb in the second frame. I can appreciate that you are original… but I’d love a Bug window sticker anyway… I’d feel so superior to all those other comic-lovers on the road.
The stickers of Calvin urinating were never created or approved by Bill Watterson.
Also a proof that Bill was right. He never give right to merchandise C&H because he knew it will be ruined as soon as opportunist assholes get its paw on it.
The trees aren’t happy enough, Hitler. THEY AREN’T F—ING HAPPY ENOUGH!
Hitler *singing*: How could zis happen to me?
Ok I’ve got to admit, I’ve thought of the McDonalds thing too.
I know, right? I bet they tasted amazing and real.
Interesting the choice of an Israeli weapon in the last panel, don’t know if that was intention, but well played sir!
I just like drawing Uzis.
IN NO WAY A DEFENSE OF HITLER….but there have been a LOT of jackholes in history who’ve killed off tons of their people.
But yeah…time machine = go kill Hitler. Can’t believe Marty McFly didn’t take care of that first!
He did in back to the future I in the original script. But they had to change the story because when there is someone who goes back in time and kills Hitler the writers can’t write anithing else than that something eaven worst happend… But really, STOP going back to kill Hitler, Father Time is probably really pissed already. Don’t meke him stick us in one of the altenatives!
Hitler’s art wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t outstanding either.
Barely something you’d buy off of an artist in an European city street.
Nothing to riddle people with holes about.
And yet “Blitler” is a lovable if eccentric character.
And the more basic problem with killing Hitler — It not only wouldn’t stop WWII, it might let someone more competent run Germany:
Really, just paint something that isn’t bucolic German farm scenes for once.
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